The Mystery that is Amazon or, Lowest Common Denominator Capriciousness in the Brave New Digital Age

 

Trying to figure out the “logic” of Amazon is like trying to figure out why the Holocaust happened in a world supposedly presided over by a caring god. It is like trying to figure out why good things happen to bad people. It is like trying to figure out why the innocent die young. It is like trying to figure out why elites who sit on their arses spinning their world controlling webs wage wars that kill not them, generally speaking, but kill those who have little to do with why such wars are fought in the first place. You can’t understand any of this unless you assume that the capricious gods of myth are really real.

Take a recent experience I had with Skankizon. I have purchased a number of Alto Classic reissues from Amazon.com over the years. In fact, I recently purchased--since the beginning of the new year in fact-- Alto ALC 1485, Richter playing Prokofiev, and Alto ALC 1469, Simon conducting Grainger. I wanted to purchase two more: Alto ALC 1318, Oistrakh playing Prokofiev, and Alto ALC 1218, Ashkenazy playing Chopin. When I got to Skankizon checkout, however, Amazon claimed that it could not post these to my US street address. Uh, why? It could not be that the CDs weigh over 70 pounds or are more than 108 inches in size. They aren't. It could not be because the CDs are restricted because of hazmat regulations. They aren’t toxic though some might see them as such. It could not be that these CDs violate Amazon policies. Amazon offers them for sale so they can’t violate these policies. Moreover, Amazon has, as I mentioned earlier, sold several Alto discs to me over the years already including another Prokofiev played by Richter. It could not be that the item is restricted for sale by Alto. Why would Alto restrict Amazon sales of specific discs to upstate New York or restrict sales of items Amazon stocks to sell? It could not be because the item is restricted for export. Amazon.com has the item in its US warehouses and I live in the US. New York hasn’t seceded from the Confederate states yet as far as I know. It is not because Amazon.com does not export items. It does. Moreover, this item is not being exported unless New York is now, for Amazon, a foreign land.

Why will Amazon not sell these two Alto discs to me? Who knows? Though the actions of gods like Zeus are ultimately comprehensible those of Skankizon are not.

Postscript…I actually got a response, a real and not a bot one from the Amazonian heavens when I put this blog up on the Amazon's Facebook page. I was—formulaic, formulaic—told to mosey on over service and ask my questions there. The thing was I had done that already. Yesterday, in fact. And guess what I got there? Yup. Nothing. To be precise I was abandoned by one chat customer service operative for a future one who never, a la Godot, showed up. As I told the once correspondent on Amazon’s Facebook page who likewise left me an orphan, I will, in the future, get my Alto discs from Target in the USofA because unlike Amazon I haven’t experienced Mickey Mouse at Target…Yet. 

Postscript 2: I was, by the way, able to get the Alto Prokofiev Oistrakh disc I wanted from Target. Unlike US Amazon, US Target actually sells Alto discs they claim to have in stock to New York consumers. As I told Kramazon today, up yours. I will get my items from other sources even if they cost more first in the future.